A few posts back, I mentioned this old cereal box which shows Cap'n Crunch getting horney over a sexy whale. I should point out that there is an alternate version in which the whale has taken off her whorish makeup (not that it stops the Cap'n from getting horney over her).

Brian B. just pointed out that he just discovered that the Cap'n has an arch-nemisis named Jean LaFoote. Since I'm in full research mode today, I found out that Cap'n Crunch had a whole host of long-forgotten lovers characters. And now I shall present them.

There's the aforementioned Jean LaFoote, of whom I had never heard either:

There's Smedly the Elephant:

Now we start to get disturbing. Meet Chockle:

Even more disturbing, there's the Crunchberry Beast:

There's Harry the Hippo (I wonder what he has behind his back?)

And finally, there were the Soggies.

Everybody remembers the Soggies. The #1 FAQ on the official Cap'n Crunch site is "Whatever happened to the Soggies?" The response is as follows:

Sylvester, Snyder, and Squish (aka the Sogmaster) were once the archenemies of Crunch. Their Soggy brains couldn't stand to see the Capn's crunchy, sweet cereal adored by millions so they tried to destroy it forever. After many years, they finally got bored of losing to Cap'n Crunch and have now found honest jobs for themselves as quality control testers at the AFCO Sponge Company.

You can read a great essay about the Soggies right here.

--------