Fig. 1

So last night, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and got into a serious rumble (see fig. 1) with my bedroom. (see fig. 2)

I got out of bed, and, just as I do every night, whacked my thigh on the footboard. But unlike the other five or six times a week I do this, I hit it hard enough not only to leave the usual purple and green bruise, but a big bloody scrape as well. This knocked me off balance substantially, so when I lurched ahead and stepped on Ca-chee's silky robe, that was enough to catapult me headfirst into the bedroom door, where I sustained the injury pictured above.

Fig. 2

I've come to the realization that most of the injuries I've received in my life are the result of some such stupid story. The most painful injury I've ever had, a terribly wrenched back, happened while I was performing the incredibly dangerous task of towel-drying my hair.

I just know that some day I'm going to accidentally kill myself while attempting to eat soup.
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