On Boredom | Any boring situation can be improved tremendously by simply imagining all the wacky trouble that would insue if suddenly the Harlem Globetrotters showed up.

On Automobiles | There's nothing cooler than a beat-up 1974 Cadillac with a tennis trophy for a hood ornament.

On Movies | There will always be a hole in American cinema until they decide to finally make a Leprechaun movie in 3-D. I mean, sure there was Leprechaun in Space, and Leprechaun in the Hood, but did they really need to send him Back 2 tha Hood? (I know, I know. Of course they did.) In general, there needs to be more 3-D technology employed in Hollywood, and don't even get me started on Odorama.

On Sports | Recently I discovered that the best sport, hands down, is one-on-none basketball. It's as addictive as computer solitaire, especially when accompanied by an iPod loaded with Roth-era Van Halen.

On Bill Cosby | Generally I think he's a putz, but I can't thank him enough for introducing the phrase "shoot you in the face with a bazooka" into my vocabulary.

On TV Commercials | The one for Charmin where the cartoon bear is frolicking in the meadows because his asshole feels so terrific, that one makes me physically ill. I'm considering placing a puke bucket near the couch just in case that commercial comes on and I can't find the remote fast enough.

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