My sap is seriously rising, and I have some goals for this summer. I feel so optimistic I could scream. In fact I will. [pause] Ok, here we go:

1. I want to make out on the ferris wheel at The Mighty Thomas Carnival Shows. This might be a tall order, because the Thomas Shows are kind of, well, gross. But I would be willing to settle for any of the area ferris wheels. The Head of the Lakes Fair is a very close second, especially on demolition derby night. If my partner's mouth tastes like cotton candy, that would be extra special. If at any point my partner informs me that I'm feeling her goldfish baggie, not her boob, that would be extra, extra special.

2. I want to shoot off a veritable buttload of bottle rockets. Bottle rockets, I think, are my favorite form of fireworks. A couple of years ago I launched about a million of them into the stratosphere, and I want nothing more than to do it again.

3. I want to host a game of ghetto horseshoes. I live near Duluth's second-worst park, Keene Creek Park. This is a park beneath the freeway overpass, where everything is either broken or covered with graffiti. It would be awesome some Sunday to have couple games of horeshoes in the weed-covered horseshoe pit, with some beer and maybe a grill. This will happen very soon, and anyone seriously interested should contact me immediately. Anyone mildly interested should watch Perfect Duluth Day for a more general invitation.

4. I want to go to Tulsa. We have talked about it, plotted and schemed many times. Now Erin Lady Byrne has seriously extended the invitation. The D-T Express WILL ship out in the near future, travelling across the Midwest like an effing funnel cloud.

We're all gonna die.
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