Dear Caffiene,

I'm not going to insult you with any mock cheeriness, because what I have to say is difficult and important. Let me get right to the point and say what I mean: I think we need to see less of each other.

We've had so many good times. There is nothing I love more than starting each morning with you, those quiet hours we spend together during which you somehow drag me out of sleep and inspire me to embrace the day. Thank you for that.

But you make me so crazy, baby. The more of you I have, the more I want, until it's too much. You have to have seen how much of a wreck I've been lately.

I don't want to give you up; you mean too much to me. So let's try to make this relationship work.

Yours forever,

Barrett

P.S., If you need to find me in the near future, I'll be down at the playground, hanging upside-down from the monkey bars, clawing my own face off.