Warning: That title may be a bit deceiving. The sandwiches I'm about to describe only seem gross. In real life, they are manna from heaven.

Open-Faced Mystery Meat & Cheese
When I was a kid, this sandwich was one of my favorite meals. I would request it all the time, and it was a mighty special day when my mom got out the broiling pan and set to work on these babies. Which shows you the kind of ghetto upbringing I had.

OK, here's how they're made. You take a bunch of hamburger buns, separate them, and put them crust-side-down on a broiling pan. Crank the oven up to "broil." On top of each bun, put a slice of Spam and a slice of Velveeta. Then put them under the broiler until the whole thing is melty and toasty. I haven't had one of these things since I was about 11, so I can't vouch for its goodness. I liked Spaghetti-Os back then, too, so consider the source.

The Mashed Potato Pancake Sandwich
When I got a bit older, this became one of my favorite meals. There were few times when all the elements came together, but when they did, oh boy.

See, as most people know, teenagers often get incredible hormonal fits of uncontrollable hunger. If you're 15, it's no big thing to sit down and eat an entire box of Cinnamon Life. But no matter how hungry you are, this sandwich can fill you up in a matter of seconds.

Whenever my mom made a lot of mashed potatoes, she'd make these sort of pancake things out of the leftovers and fry them in butter. They were delicious. But on the rare occasion that we had leftover mashed potato pancakes, as well as leftover meatloaf, man I was in for a special treat. A mashed potato pancake, a slice of meatloaf, and some ketchup on bread. That's an entire homecooked meal in sandwich form. And sooooo good. Whenever I finished one, I'd want another right away, but there's no way I could ever eat two.

The Monte Cristo
Just a few months ago, I was at a diner with a friend of mine who was taking a long time to choose an item from the menu. I announced that I was just going to order something I'd never heard of, ask no questions about it, and just accept it when it came. I'd never heard of a Monte Cristo, so I ordered that.

"Just so you know," the waitress said, "we don't deep-fry our Monte Cristo. And we serve it with plain jelly, not fruit sauce." What the hell was I getting myself into?

Later I did some research. A true Monte Cristo is a ham and turkey sandwich which is then dipped in a egg-based batter and deep fried. As the waitress indicated, it's usually served with a sauce made out of currents.

The Monte Cristo I got was amazing. It was a ham and turkey sandwich, with Swiss cheese, served on French toast. That sounds disgusting but it was fantastic. I didn't bother with the jelly, as I hate jelly and jam in all forms. I should mention that this was at the Park Place diner, which doesn't exist anymore, and that they made the greatest French toast in the world, so that may have altered my experience some.

Sometime I would like to try a real Monte Cristo. If my arteries could handle it, that is.