Recently I had the pleasure of trying a vanilla-flavored Tootsie Fruit Roll candy. I am so pleased! Finally, I now know what it is like to eat a scented candle.

Fruit Rolls come in five flavors: cherry, lemon, orange, vanilla and lime. If you're like me, you're probably wondering by what stretch of the imagination is vanilla a fruit flavor. But you know what? It turns out that vanilla is the fruit of an orchid.

Here's where we get serious. You have no idea how much joy this exotic news gives me. I've written before about how vanilla has always been my favorite ice-cream flavor. In 8th grade, we had ice-cream in one of my classes on the last day before Christmas break. We were all supposed to say our favorite flavors, so I said vanilla, and everyone booed. Booed. Apparently, since my favorite ice cream wasn't Chocolately Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Cocoa Destruction With Extra Fudge, the villagers saw fit to get out their torches and pitchforks. Well, now I am vindicated, muthafukkas! The fruit of an orchid. Ha!

Vanilla is also a key ingredient in the world's favorite beverage, Coca-Cola, which uses more vanilla extract than any company in the world. When New Coke was introduced in 1985, the economy of Madagascar crashed, and only recovered after New Coke flopped. The reason was that New Coke used vanillin, a less expensive synthetic substitute, and purchases of vanilla more than halved during this period.

Vanilla, people. Vanilla. It isn't synonymous with "plain." It is beautiful.

And exotic.