Shady Business
May 8, 2006 :: Link :: Reviews | Textuality
I received this in the mail today. I have no idea what's inside of it, but already I can tell you that I think this sort of promotion should be illegal.
From a postal worker's point of view, this piece of mail is ridiculous. Note the words Priority Express Letter. This skirts on being unmailable. It would have costed them $4.05 to send this Priority. For Express, it would have been $14.40. But if you look at the postage, you can see that it was mailed Standard, which costs something like, oh, the lint in your front pocket. This is a mass-mailing sent out to thousands of people. There is nothing "urgent" in it. It is an advertisment.
Also, check out the personal note to the postmaster to "deliver directly to recipient listed above." Oh, thanks. We were thinking of delivering it to a tent in the Mojave desert before bringing it to the person on the front of the envelope, but since you insist, we'll just do what we do with every other piece of mail.
OK, now that we've established that the contents of this envelope are "EXTREMELY IMPORTANT," let's open it and see what's inside.
Awesome. It's a MasterCard. Oh, wait. It isn't a MasterCard. It's an ad for Benna Ford of Superior. The back of the card reads "THIS IS NOT A CREDIT CARD" and "FOR PROMOTIONAL PURPOSES ONLY". There is no letter or anything else inside the envelope -- just this card, which has an 800 number on the back and the instruction to "Call for details."
Nice marketing, Benna Ford. You have just admitted to being deceptive. To being shady. To being the type of business that uses tricky language and techniques to dupe people into buying your products. I'm not exactly sure why you've chosen this type of campaign, or this type of image. Car dealerships already carry the stigma of being dishonest. Any intelligent person will look at this advertisement, see it for what it is, and then look upon you with disgust.
Your marketing people should be fired.
Comments
Thank God they gave you opening instructions on the reverse side of the "mailer". I often get mail and just don't understand how to open it.
Posted by: Beret | May 9, 2006 5:13 AM
Believe me, the people they're marketing to need these instructions.
Posted by: Barrett | May 9, 2006 5:19 AM
Jesus Christ, these things make me wanna spit blood. When I think of the sheer volume of paper that's wasted every single day on tens of millions of stupid fucking letters just like this one that go unopened to the trash, I get back on that dark tangent I go off on about how we're getting what we deserve as a society, and that the end is very near indeed.
Usually this ends with me drinking.
Posted by: briantologist | May 9, 2006 8:32 AM
The only thing that would make that envelope funnier would be if they'd used a picture of Sam the Eagle instead of that one they've got on there.
Posted by: Mary | May 9, 2006 9:55 AM
Would the postal service be economically viable without direct to consumer advertising (a.k.a. junk mail)? I've heard conflicting answers.
It seems odd that 90% of my mail goes straight to the garbage, which I then have to pay to get picked up.
Posted by: drifter | May 9, 2006 12:56 PM
I suppose it depends on what you consider junk mail. Is your favorite catalog junk mail? Most junk mail isn't as junky as this.
But yes, third-class mail is the bread and butter of the USPS. Someday it will take two or three days for a piece of Priority mail to be delivered across the street from where you mailed it, because it will have to be shipped to a major center to be processed. Consolidation of processing facilities is just one of many wonderful ideas in the postal reform bill moving through congress. It's all a huge effort to bow to the "mailing industry" thereby screwing the individual.
Posted by: Barrett | May 9, 2006 4:44 PM
As long as you're answering questions about the USPS ...
So you know when you order something (like maybe some really cool Ultimate Warrior t-shirt) and they say, "Allow six to eight business days for delivery"? Doesn't the postal service process mail on Saturdays and Sundays? I can see not receiving a package on a Sunday, but otherwise I can't why the weekend would screw things up.
Posted by: cork1 | May 9, 2006 8:05 PM
I really don't know the answer to that question. I know that we don't process parcels on Sundays, because there is no collection. On Saturdays, when there is only a half-day of collection, we process the parcels by hand, because there are so few of them.
Generally on Sundays we operate with a skeleton crew (spooky!) and we work almost exclusively on catalogs and periodicals.
Also, I don't know how the trucks run and how the airplanes fly. I'm completely ignorant and useless.
Posted by: Barrett | May 10, 2006 5:57 AM
Where is my Van Halen Diver Down album? It was supposed to be delivered to me by US Mail.
I know you have it.
Posted by: jed | May 10, 2006 9:55 AM
Yeah, and you have a pair of Sidi size 44 biking shoes of mine. I still want those back.
More questions/comments:
I love that you can file a "hold mail" request online, and that you can e-mail the postal service. Part of me thinks that mail is sort of an anachronism, so it always blows my mind when I can take care of that at 10pm the night before I leave town at home.
Do the mailmen even read the addresses, or do they generally just know who lives at what house?
Along those lines: How come I've had mail sent to a correct address, only with a fake name, get returned? Don't these guys have a sense of humor?
Posted by: cork1 | May 10, 2006 12:32 PM
you tell em barrett!
Posted by: amy a. | May 10, 2006 1:56 PM
This is indeed dreadful and a terrible waste of resources, but I love you Barrett Chase. This post made my day.
Posted by: Sharyn | May 10, 2006 10:52 PM