IPOD UPDATE

As predicted, my iPod turned up. It turns out it was under the table beneath the shelf where I left it. It was in a box. On one hand, I'm really glad it wasn't stolen, but now, once again, I have no need to upgrade to a new iPod. Mine is a 3rd generation; the kind with the monochromatic screen that doesn't show pictures or play video. But I can't justify the upgrade, so I'll keep using it.

OVERHEARD AT THE GAS STATION

CASHIER: So, what's wrong with you?
TEENAGE KID: I'm tired. Imagine. Spending six hours a day. Five days a week. One hundred eighty days a year. In school. Oh -- I think you'd be a little tired, too.

IT'S FUN TO PARAPHRASE

For no particular reason, I took a slightly different route home today, and as I was doing so, I had the feeling I was making a mistake. Sure enough, the po-po decided to pull-pull me over.

"Good evening," the cop said. "The reason I pulled you over is because you're driving a piece of shit."

"I know," I said. "I've been meaning to get around to that..."

"Any reason in particular why you're driving such a fucking bomb?"

"I'm lazy, I guess. And also I spend my money on things like video iPods and TiVo, instead of automobile maintenance."

"This may be news to you, but people don't appreciate the fact that your car sounds like death raining down from Heaven. I'm going to issue you a warning, and you need to clean up your life."

"I sure will, officer. Now that I have to."

Ironically, my normal route home takes me past the police station. But it was a state trooper that pulled me over, so there you go. What a state trooper is doing cruising 4th Street in the freaking ghetto is beyond me, but hey, I drive a Ford that sounds like some kind of war machine, so what do I know.