For a long time, Fergie's "Fergalicious" held the #1 slot in my mind as the most ridiculous song on the top-40 charts, a song which, for the unfortunately uninitiated, is all about how Fergie is "tastey" [sic] as in "T to the A to the S-T-E-Y."

But these days, Fergalicious has easily been ousted by Ludacris and Mary J. Blige's very special "Runaway Love," a tale of three different girls who are all "forced to think that hell is a place called home." The song is crazy on its own, but the video pushes it way over the top. It's always great when pop stars decide to exploit those who deserve to be exploited. Like abused runaway children. Yeah, that's fantastic.

00:17 Looks like they recycled the set from "The Lost Boys"

00:32 First example of child abuse: That girl's hairdo

01:00 A cameo by Michael Rapaport? Has his career sunk this low? "The War at Home" ain't working out so well? Whenever I see scenes like this, I always think of the casting call. "Perfect! You are SO believable as a child molester!

01:16 Here, I think of the directorial process: "Michael, when you're tugging at the 9-year-old's pajamas, could you stick out your tongue? Awesome, dude."

01:44 Running away, running away, running away...HOLY SHIT WAS THAT MARY J. BLIGE?...running away...

01:48 Wait. Wait. Wait. Nicole is a little bit developed to be "only 10 years old."

01:52 Again, wait. If "she's not pretty and nobody seems to like her," why do they get a future model to play her in the video?

01:55 You can tell the stepdad's an alcoholic, because he's carrying a big bottle of booze around with him.

02:03 Pay attention, kids. If you have to hide, hide under the bed. No one will ever think to look for you there.

02:55 OK, so they can show little Erica popping pills, but they have to censor the word "pills." Alright. That makes sense.

03:05 I always bust out laughing at the "glove" line. Because little Barrett is 14 years old.

03:30 Yeah, cuz that will make everything better.

04:07 "I will run away with you"? Easy, Mary J. Maybe when you're singing to distraught 9-year-olds, you should stick to promises you can actually keep.

04:29 "Ladies"? Ludacris, don't call 9-year-olds "ladies." That's just...yuck.

04:39 "Picture us running away together"? Double yuck.

04:46 Who knew this was all a mass hypnosis experiment?

One last note. While I was writing this, I decided to You Tube the video for Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train" to get a little background on the runaway genre. Don't ever watch that video again. While "Runaway Love" is over the top and mildly gross, "Runaway Train" is freaking disgusting. Hey, here's an idea, let's portray gang rape in our music video, then flash pictures of actual missing children. Because that'll be good for everyone.

Ugh.