So it's about 1:00am, and we're about to watch a movie, and there's two to choose from: Cache and Sexy Beast. "I'm not really in the mood to watch subtitles," I say, referring to Cache which is in French, I think.

"What's Sexy Beast about?" says Christa.

"It's about a British gangster who ..."

"Sold!"

Sexy Beast it is.

About five minutes into the film, I'm already questioning our choice. The movie looks really cool, but I'll be damned if the characters are speaking English. "I think the only word I've understood so far is 'crocodile,'" I say. Christa tilts her head toward the screen and pumps up the volume.

I decide that the characters are indeed speaking English, but it sounds like English spoken by someone who has an entire pork sandwich crammed into their mouth. Someone who's just been to the dentist and shot full of novocaine, and has since spent the past two hours drinking glass after glass of whole milk.

After ten minutes, we've determined that they're in Spain. Someone wants the main guy to do a job, but he doesn't want to do it. There's also a rabbit that looks like the rabbit in Donnie Darko, only worse.

Eventually, I fumble around with the remote and manage to call up the closed captioning. Looks like we're watching a subtitled movie after all.

I give it 3/5 stars.