I haven't accidentally dropped anything into the toilet in a long time.

Which is strange, because I have to admit that at various times in my life, I've feared exactly that. My wallet, my keys, my toothbrush, my cell phone ... I've pictured them all flying out of my wildly flailing hand or out of the pocket of my hastily yanked-up jeans and plopping right into the ol' bowl. And the best part is when I imagine the object pausing for a second, then sliding down the drain at the bottom, flushing itself by its own accord. (The toothbrush being the exception of the last part, because it ain't like I'm going to pluck it out and start using it again, unlike, say, the keys.)

What I'm saying is that I've been extremely neglectful of my silent, near-the-toilet-with-semi-valuable-items prayers, and I've also failed to hang onto said items or notice their whereabouts just a little bit more than I normally would when I'm in toilet range, and still (still!) I've managed not to accidentally toss anything into the shitter. Even though I'm clearly tempting fate.

Even though I've been nothing short of a lavatory heathen for at least six months, if not more.

Huh.