Thanks a lot for pulling up next to me while I'm about to turn left. I'm sure you know that this is a two-way street, and even though there are no lines painted on the concrete, two lanes actually do exist. But seriously, thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

I see we're going to play a little game now. It's called "Let's see how long this can go on." Because me, I really want to stretch this out. I know that you don't feel all that much like an asshole right now. But it looks like you're going to do everything you can to make sure you look as assholic as I think (aw, shucks ... know!) you are.

See all those people who want to turn onto this block? They're really starting to line up, aren't they? And boy, do they look angry. Who are they angry at? That's right! You! You're the special boy on Fourth Street right now. Everyone around is thinking all kinds of thoughts about you and you alone.

Wow. It looks like I can't turn left, because all these people are blocking my view. All those trucks lined up like that -- look at them! I just don't feel safe about driving out blindly into the road. You do realize that the non-assholic thing to do right now would be to back up and get behind me in the proper lane, don't you? What's that? Oh, you're just going to stay right there while everyone in a block radius is glaring at you? Well that's the spirit!

Me, I'm just going to wait until everything is clear before I turn. You can go whenever you want. Just drive out into Fourth Street into all kinds of oncoming traffic. No, really, please do.

OK, I guess we're both just going to sit here then. Look at all those trucks lining up. Man, I'd hate to be the person who won't let them in. Do you think some of those people have guns? I bet at least one of them has a gun. Well at least you've got a good reason for sitting there in the wrong lane, refusing to back up into the right one. At least you're not just being a douche-slapper.

The part I love about all of this is that I have no idea whether you plan to go straight or to turn left like I am. You realize that if you're turning left, we're both going to turn into the same lane, don't you? I think that means we're going to have to occupy the same place at the same time which is pretty much impossible. If you're going straight, well, our trajectories are going to cross. And I'm no physicist, but I'd guess that's the kind of science that results in a shattered pelvis.

All right ... OK ... it looks like we can go now. Yeah. So. Um. Maybe you should go first because, uh, that would be safest?

No?

Whew. OK. Here I go...

Hey, now you're following behind me? Sweet. Let's just drive off into this happy little day together!