I think someone needs to film a fictional biography of Anna Nicole Smith that focuses entirely on her marriage to that 85-year-old pervert. Seriously. I want to know what happened between them, even if it isn't real at all.

Imagine it. I think of nightly lap dances, illicit drugs slipped into his warm milk, and late-night drunken phone calls to her white-trash friends. I think of him playing her as much as she played him. The conversations would have to be fantastic.

They say that no one ever knows what goes on between a married couple. Well, I want to know. All I'm saying is that if it's soon enough that we can have movies about 9/11 ...

... all I'm saying ....