The music industry is laughing at you.

For some time, I've suspected that the writers, producers, and performers of top-40 music absolutely despise their fans, and are secretly ridiculing them. Back in February, I wrote about Fergie, and how she claims she is "tastey" [sic] as in "T to the A to the S-T-E-Y." Since then, I've continued to check in with the top-40 charts here and there. Officially, I am convinced.

The music industry is laughing at you.

First, there's the countless ripoffs. Every other song on the radio is a repackaged rewrite of another song from the 70s or 80s. I'm not talking about sampling. I'm talking about songs that borrow not only the music from other songs, but also *almost* all of the lyrics.

While P. Diddy & Faith Evans stole the Police's "Every Breath You Take" on "I'll Be Missing You," (changing the lyrics from "every breath you take, I'll be watching you" to "every breath you take, I'll be missing you), Avril Levigne's lifted the more obscure song by the Rubinoos, "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend," when she "wrote" her hit song "Girlfriend."

Obviously, these artists knew what they were doing. They also knew, however, that the majority of their fans, who are all about 14 years old, would never recognize the original. It's like buying a Kmart store brand. You're walking around wearing $20 jeans bearing a logo almost identical to the $200 brand, only you're too mentally vacant to get it.

Meanwhile, the music industry counts its money and snorts, "The little dumbasses don't even know the difference."

Of course, one could argue that rock stars have been ripping off other people's songs for decades. Take Led Zeppelin, for instance. They covered songs by destitute blues artists, and claimed the songs as originals time and time again.

But the music industry doesn't defend itself with words. It defends itself with songs. It takes the above argument and ironically releases Sean Kingston's "Me Love," a ripoff of Zep's "D'yer Mak'r." The song quickly tops the charts, because 14-year-old girls don't know who Led Zeppelin even was.

The song that absolutely convinced me that the top-40 music industry hates its own fans is Timbaland's "The Way I Are," currently positioned at #5 on the Billboard charts. The song's premise is simple: a man doesn't have much money, but even so, his woman still loves him. That seems nice at first, but check out the chorus:

The girl says:

Baby if you strip, you can get a tip 'Cause I like you just the way you are

And then the guy says:

I'm about to strip and I'm well equipped Can you handle me the way I are?

So not only is he poor, but he's also functionally retarded. Or rather, the songwriter is laughing hysterically at everyone who's going to listen to this song. Are we really supposed to believe that he couldn't come up with anything to rhyme with the word "are"? And then, not only did he write that line and keep it in the song, but actually went on to use it as the song title?!

Clearly, this is intentional, and clearly, the music industry is laughing at you. They're giggling, saying to each other, "Do you realize we're writing words for people who routinely spell without vowels? Let's see how dumb we can make the lyrics and still turn a song into a hit."

The song's content gets even worse if you examine the lyrics, which I unfortunately have done. There are plenty more non-rhymes that just use the same word such as, "Baby girl, I don't got a huge ol' house / I rent a room in a house." (Am I old for remembering when hip-hop artists actually BRAGGED about being able to rhyme?) and the guy is even worse than we first imagine. Because in addition to talking her into screwing him even though he can't (or won't) take her on a date, he's going to screw her ...

... wait for it ...

... even though she's fat.

"Your body ain't Pamela Anderson," he says, then, more graphically, "It's a struggle just to get you in the caravan." What a gentleman.

And the girl, who is just as dumb, takes it as a complement. "I don't need the cheese or the car keys / Boy, I like you just the way you are." It's a match made in heaven. Let's hope they're using birth control.

The music industry is laughing at you. But once you realize it, it's hard not to laugh right along with them.