I'm not being scientific about this, but it seems to me that most people over 30 are at least somewhat aware of the 1981 Dudley Moore/Liza Minelli movie Arthur. I remember the ads on TV as a kid, and I recall there being quite a bit of hype around the movie. It won two Oscars for best supporting actor (John Gielgud) and best song ("Arthur's Theme - The Best That You Can Do" by Christopher Cross), and was nominated for best actor and best writing. Bravo lists it as #10 on its "100 Funniest Movies," and the AFI lists it as #53 on its "100 Years ... 100 Laughs."

I'd never seen Arthur, and neither had Christa, so when we made it to 1981 on our chronological movie project last week, we decided to watch it.

Sweet mother of God, does that movie blow. I'm serious. This has to be one of the least funny movies I've ever seen in my life.

Arthur, for the blissfully uninitiated, is about an alcoholic New York millionaire whose family has arranged for him to marry a woman named Susan. If he doesn't marry her, he loses his entire inheritance: $750 million. The problem is, he doesn't love Susan, he loves a shoplifter from Queens named Linda (Minelli). Also Arthur, played by the then-46-year-old Moore, loves staying drunk, playing with toy trains, taking bubble baths, and taking hookers out to fancy restaurants. This sounds potentially funny, and I can understand how the producers accepted the pitch.

In practice, however, the movie is just a vehicle for Moore's character, much like The Jerk was a vehicle for the character Steve Martin invented. Here's the difference, however: The Jerk was hilarious, because Steve Martin is really, really funny. Dudley Moore was not funny. At all.

I'm not saying that Dudley Moore wasn't a good actor, because he was, and maybe that's why the movie fails. Watching Arthur is like hanging around with someone who's plastered when you're not. Drunk people think that they're funny. But when you're a sober onlooker, they're annoying. Arthur Bach constantly cracks jokes that fall flat, and then cackles maniacally after each unwitty jibe: "I wish I had a dime for every dime I had!" Yeah, buddy, whatever you say.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I literally laughed twice the whole time, and both of those jokes had nothing to do with Moore. One is where Arthur decides to break up with Linda, who takes it very well, but then the camera cuts to show her dad who is bawling his eyes out. The other is when Arthur tells his butler (Gielgud) to run a bath for him, and the butler says under his breath, "Perhaps you'd like me to wash your dick for you, you little shit."

That's right. I just spoiled the whole movie for you. Because I don't want you to watch it. I care too much about you.

I think we're over the hump with this movie project, and that the none of the rest of them will be as bad as Arthur. Then again, I don't hold too much hope for the 1985 selection, either. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.