Sue Johanson is Drunk
January 7, 2008 :: Link :: Reviews | TeeVee
Having been down and out with a cold for the past few days, I've watched a lot of TV. And after some steady research, I've come to the conclusion that Sue Johanson, host of Talk Sex with Sue, is drunk off her ass whenever she hosts her show.
Sue Johanson, for the uninitiated, is a 77-year-old retired RN who hosts a call-in show on cable TV, offering extremely frank advice for those in need. My favorite way to watch the show is to sort-of half-watch it while dinging around on my laptop, not really paying attention. It's fun to be unaware of the actual question, and just tune in long enough to hear Sue's advice.
"Maybe you could get a latex glove, which is not a hand but is hand-shaped, and use that. Get a latex glove and fill it sand. No, wait. Oatmeal. Fill it with oatmeal. Or rice. Fill the glove with rice and insert the thumb ..."
It's not just the advice she gives that makes me think she's been hitting the sauce (can't get that ... uh ... substance out of your mustache? wear it like a badge of honor!). The evidence is more physical. The slurred speech, the slumped posture, the slow reaction time ... they all lead me to believe that this woman is sloshed. And that in turn makes me enjoy the show even more.
I like to imagine that I'm not watching a health professional giving medical advice on TV. I like to imagine that I'm at a dive bar on a Thursday night, and just above the sound of the jukebox I can hear this old lady at the end of the bar dishing out sex advice to some younger, less experienced barflies.
"You want to stop queefing? You can't! Why would you even want to? Just have fun with it!"
Comments
I'll never forget the first time I saw this show. One of my friends was house-sitting and invited me over to bask in the warm glow of the cable TV (and some white russians). After an old episode of Batman went off on TV Land, he started flipping around until he landed on Sue, slapping a big black dildo against the countertop, saying, "Oh, these babies can take a lot of abuse, believe me." I've never seen him look so terrified.
Now that I think about it, this was the same weekend I went to the Testicle Festival near Missoula. Kind of an unintentional theme weekend, I guess.
Posted by: Mary | January 8, 2008 1:10 PM
Mary, I think everyone has had an experience of channel surfing, and coming across this show at a terrifying moment.
My wife and I were flipping through channels one evening, and we came across this show. Sue had a this terrifying apparatus strapped to her head. Basically, through use of an elaborate system of straps and buckles, it attached a GIANT DILDO to her chin. As she talked, her chin moved, of course, which caused the thing to bounce and wave around alarmingly.
I still feel a little scarred from seeing that.
Posted by: Cynic | January 10, 2008 9:59 AM
I once saw her SMELLING a huge wooden dildo. Not for the faint of heart.
Posted by: Barrett | January 10, 2008 7:58 PM