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Tue, 22 Feb 2011

Up until a few days ago, I'd never in my life read the comic strip Mary Worth. I guess it's for a combination of reasons, the first and foremost being that the strip has never run in the local paper, and that shaped most of my pre-internet comic reading habits. The second is that I've never been able to get into the "soap opera" style of comics. I think I ironically read Rex Morgan, MD for a few months back in the early 1990s, and I checked out Gil Thorpe fairly recently when it made reference to a local high school, but other than that, I've generally stayed away from the serious serials.

The current storyline in Mary Worth, however, kept creeping its way into my online reading. It seemed like the universe was telling me I needed to check it out, so I did.

Here's the skinny: Mary's friend Wilbur is concerned, because his daughter appears to be addicted to the internet! She walks around like a zombie, barely listening to him as he prattles on and on. As he scrambles for her attention, just speaks in monosyllables, not even glancing up from her smartphone. "Maybe I should follow you on Twitter so we can relate better," Wilbur says.

Wilbur confides in his problem to Mary, who admitted knows nothing of this strange online world that Wilbur's daughter semi-inhabits. And in one of those most inadvertantly hilarious sequences I've read in the comics in a long time, Wilbur invites Mary over for a quick primer on current cyberculture.

All of this comes off a sub-storyline setup where Mary is confronted with the idea of e-readers. And here, my friends, is where things get personally embarrassing for yours truly.

I read that sub-storyline and hissed the word "SHIT," while squeezing my phone to keep myself from throwing it at the wall in disgust. I say these things. I say these things about e-readers that MARY FUCKING WORTH is saying in these fucking panels.

Is it possible for a man in his 30s to check himself into a retirement home?

I don't understand e-readers. I used to say "the e-reader is the Segway of reading," but then I amended that to "the e-reader is the Nordic Track of reading." Americans are always feeling guilty about the things they don't do, and, being Americans, think that the only way to assuage that guilt and to fix their lives is to buy something expensive. This gagdet will solve all my problems and make me a better person, they tell themselves. So they empty their bank accounts, bring the object home, and let it collect dust in the closet while they watch episode after episode of Minute to Win It.

But I could be completely wrong about the e-reader. It might be an awesome piece of technology that I would use all the time. I'm often wrong about a lot of things.

Mary Worth says, "I like looking at the books lined up on my shelf," and "I like reading something that doesn't rely on batteries or electricity." While I do really enjoy listening to mp3s, I can't help but think of how many of them I've lost over the years to technical failure. I have mine backed up pretty well nowadays, but still, the issue of DRM comes up all the time. I flat-out own most of my music collection, but there are some that I am merely renting.

Enthusiasts of the Nook were excited a few months ago when users of that platform acquired the ability to lend books to a friend for like two weeks or something ridiculous like that. I HATE that. When I buy something, I want it to be mine. I should be able to lend it to whoever I want for as long as they need.

Yeah, I understand. Copyright. File sharing. All of that. I'm not stupid. But still.

Advances in electronic technology tend to be really good at improving existing electronic technology. What I mean is that the iPod is better than the Walkman. TiVo is better than the VCR. But it's hard for current technology to truly replace ancient technology. The automobile is better than the horse. But Pop Tarts aren't better than pie. Are e-readers better than books?

I can't quite bring myself to believe it. I would like to borrow one for awhile, though.

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