barrettchase.com

barrettchase.com
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Tue, 08 Feb 2011

I've come into some money. Actually, I shouldn't phrase it that way, because that makes it sound like a lot more money than it really is. I'm not talking about quit-your-job money, or buy-a-new-car money, or anything close to that. But throughout the end of last year, I worked a lot of overtime. I worked my ass off, in fact. Involuntarily. It sucked.

While I was working so much, I made a promise to myself: That when it was all over, I would take a big chunk of the extra money I was making and buy myself something awesome. I didn't really think much about what I'd get. I didn't think about it at all in fact. I just knew that eventually things would return to normal, and when they did, I would reap some kind of super-exciting award, yet to be determined.

This brings us to last week, when I finally felt that I could breathe easy. The overtime seems to have eased up. The holidays are over. The time seems right for me to splurge. The thought was fun for about twenty minutes.

I thought about it. And I thought about it some more. I spent a whole night thinking about it. But in the end, there wasn't one thing that I really wanted.

That isn't to say there isn't anything that I need. Need is not the issue here. I need lots of stuff. But this was supposed to be spent on wants, not needs. It was supposed to be fun.

I don't have a lot of wants that can be purchased. I want more free time. I want that free time to occur during the day, rather than in the middle of the night. I want to be able to stop having to explain my weird lifestyle to other people. I want to see movies in the theater. You can't order any of this stuff from Amazon.

Likewise, I don't have expensive tastes. My wardrobe consists of a closet full of $5 black T-shirts from Target and a couple pairs of Old Navy jeans. I drive a Ford Focus with no options. I check books out of the public library. I do have an iPhone 4, but these days I generally listen to music on Pandora for free. Besides, I got a $50 iTunes gift card for Christmas. I'm typing this on a computer from 2003, whose keyboard was literally built in 1984 -- both work great.

Sure, I could put the money toward one of my needs, such as more insulation for the attic, or gutters for the garage. I could replace some of my grungier black T-shirts or buy some new thermal underwear. But that would be lame. I mean, I like being warm and all that, but I didn't make all those sacrifices for an attic full of foam or a pair of long johns.

I've been thinking about this for days, and I still haven't come up with anything. I feel stupid complaining about it, but it's actually kind of depressing.

What do I want?

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