barrettchase.com

barrettchase.com
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Tue, 26 Apr 2011

It took me at least half of my life thus far to realize that not everyone has a small indentation on the left-hand side of their hard palate, a neat little saddle-shaped groove perfectly suited for resting the tip of their tongue. I remember trying to describe that particular body part when I was a kid, and getting frustrated when no one knew what the hell I was talking about. Eventually, somewhere in my mid-20s, it struck me that this was an idiosyncrasy created by my habit of pressing my tongue on that particular spot.

Chicken, egg, etcetera etcetera. Evolution didn't put a groove there so that I'd have a place to habitually press my tongue. I habitually press my tongue there, therefore I have a groove on the roof of my mouth.

My chin has always had a strange shape to it. It's roundish on the bottom, and right where most people have a small indentation, I have a large crease. I had a lot of trouble with this crease as a young child, because when you're four years old you kind of eat with your entire face. A large crease right below your bottom lip is a great place for Spaghetti-Os sauce to lodge itself.

Anyway, I always thought this crease was hereditary, a part of my elaborate and obviously beautiful DNA makeup. Truthfully, I never gave it much serious thought because it's always been there.

The thing is, none of my relatives have this kind of a chin. Certainly no one in my immediate family has it. I can't think of any distant or mid-distant relatives who have it either. I've never seen it in any old, grainy photos of my ancestors, but then again, I've never actively looked for it there.

It's only been in the past few months or so that I've realized I created my weird chin, just like I created the groove in the roof of my mouth. I've always slept on my side in something like the fetal position. But I'd never noticed that I sleep with the first knuckle of my left hand firmly pressed against my chin. Apparently I've been doing this for four decades. Who knew?

I have all kinds of bizarre shit like this going on, and it goes way beyond the physical. Ever since I could talk and continuing into the present day, I have always misused the interjection, "Ow." Or rather, I use it both appropriately and inappropriately. Inappropriate moments I use it include: when I touch something cold, when I see something embarrassing, and when I almost drop something. This is, as far as I can tell, completely uncontrollable.

I'm not a big believer in free will. The concept doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Sure, people change, and people are capable of changing themselves. But in my experience, people change by becoming more like their real selves.

Maybe believing that is some weird unexplainable habit of mine as well.

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